Adult Siblings Not Wanting Widowed Dad

The internet is raging over four “entitled” adult children complaining about their widowed dad remarrying because they might get less inheritance as a result.

In a post to Mumsnet’s Talk forum on Monday 20 June, user orangeyorkie explained that her mother had passed away from cancer five years ago, leaving behind her 45-year-old husband and five children.

“Dad was grieving and pretty focused on us for the first couple of years after mum died and never dated as far as any of us know,” she wrote.

In 2020, the poster suggested that her father start dating again. That summer, he met a woman while dog-walking.

“They kept bumping into each other and chatting. Initially, Dad thought she was way too young for him but when he found out she was 42 (he was 48 then) he asked her out and they have been together ever since. She is widowed herself and she’s a really lovely person.”

Although the poster is pleased for her dad, her siblings are unhappy with their father’s new relationship.

“There have been some issues with some of my siblings, she does look very young for her age,” the poster continued.

“I thought she was not far off my age (28) when I first met her and the one thing we all asked dad to do was not to go chasing someone our age, which he hasn’t, but the perception is the same and sometimes for some of my siblings that’s uncomfortable.

“There is also the issue that Dad is really, really happy and loved up with her. Now I know that they are still in the new phase of the relationship but I do think that on some fundamental level they are better suited than he and my mum were and that hurts to see sometimes.”

Her dad plans to ask his girlfriend to marry him soon, which has caused further conflict with his children—particularly regarding their inheritance.

Mumsnet users told a woman who posted about her adult siblings being upset that their widower father getting remarried, that her father was “allowed” to be happy. A stock photo of a silver-haired, middle-aged groom carrying a middle-aged brunette bride on their wedding day.
Paul Bradbury/OJO Images

“There is also the issue of Dad’s money when they do get married,” the poster explained. “He’s worth a lot and some siblings have complained that if they marry she could inherit the lot as he is older than her.

“Dad’s girlfriend has suggested that Dad sees a lawyer to sort out how his kids will inherit prior to them marrying to allay any fears that she is trying to grab his money,” she said. “I personally don’t think that is the case, I expect my Dad will probably still keep her to some extent, especially as he is now semi-retired and wants someone to spend time with and travel with.”

According to the AARP, over 900,000 American adults lose their spouse annually, with more than 75 percent of those over the age of 75. In heterosexual marriages, husbands are more likely to die earlier than their wives. In the US, men pass away five years earlier than women, due to factors such as more dangerous jobs, a willingness to take bigger risks, and being less likely to go to the doctor with health concerns.

Some users described the woman’s siblings as “grabby,” suggesting they were more concerned about money than their dad’s happiness.

“It’s up to your dad how he spends his money and who inherits,” said Playplayaway. “Very entitled of your siblings to even think about and should concentrate on their own careers and incomes and pensions.”

GreenCard agreed, writing: “She sounds like the best thing for your dad and your siblings sound grabby. He owes you nothing. Tell them this. Let them get married and be happy and make their own way in life.”

However, orangeyorkie believes the inheritance issue is actually a cover for her siblings’ grief.

In the comments, she added: “I think the real reason for the intermittent animosity towards her from some of my siblings is more that they are still struggling with losing Mum and it feels like this woman is trying to take her place, and in some respects, overtaking her place in Dads affections.

“I ultimately want Dad to be happy. He’s only 50 and could have decades of life left I hope, so why shouldn’t he have someone?”

Others said that the poster’s dad deserved to enjoy life and were disappointed in the adult children’s behaviour, despite their pain.

“Difficult situation, but I think your Dad definitely deserves his second chance,” said darlingdodo.

“It sounds as if he honoured your Mum’s memory, did his best to help your younger siblings deal with her death, didn’t go straight into dating as soon as your Mum died like some men do.

“He is ‘allowed’ to be happy.”

Cooldarkroom commented: “Good God, he’s 50, not 80. He may live the same again.

“The siblings should be happy he has found someone nice, who loves him, who comes bringing no other children into the mix.

“They have their love and memories of your mother, this woman takes nothing away from that.”

Other users to share their woes with Mumsnet recently include a woman concerned that her husband is having an affair with his secretary, a mom who was fat-shamed by a cashier at her local supermarket, and a wife who says her husband’s beard is putting a damper on their sex life.

By lsmg5

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